|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS PREVIOUS CHAPTER: FIRST CHAPTER: Jake and I spent long, long time together last night. I'm not sure how many times we did it, because sometimes, he didn't always come out of me before he started again, it became extremely natural after we showered together. I can't deny that we had some pleasant moments, clearly, but I find it deeply wrong how keep thinking about it. The way he sleeps is just perfect, to say more would be superfluous. Jaeyun has gone out early, perhaps to meet up with that Kibum Jay mentioned last night, but once out of the room, I just look around. It is early, only eight, so I guess it might be nice of me to prepare breakfast. Today I'll take care of cleaning the bathroom, but from what I witnessed yesterday with Jake, there's not much to do. These guys manage to get neat without too much mess, and it actually surprises me, I get the impression that they're not really like this normally. I can't imagine an environment where more than three men live that isn't a mess, but these are gender biases, my bad. When I reach the kitchen, still wearing the Jake's t-shirt, I find only two people in the kitchen, and honestly they are just the ones I would rather not have met alone. I could hear them giggling together from earlier. They notice me right away, I see their eyes move quickly to my low-cut legs, then Sunghoon looks away as Heeseung looks at me surprised and amused. "Did you sleep well?" The band ace asks. "Where are the others?" I ask, nonchalantly. Heeseung snorts pretending to be offended. "Everyone's gone out, even the owner of your t-shirt." "Isn't it early?" "Would 8 am be early?" Sunghoon asks incredulously. I ignore him, will do so for the time being. "Did everyone have breakfast?" "How nice - comments the other - she worries about us. Anyway Jay takes care of breakfast, however, I didn't get up in time." That Heeseung was someone who likes to sleep a lot seemed clear to me, but who knows why Sunghoon is here? Surely he doesn't have something to do? That way I could try to get to know the third shift owner, maybe he's not so bad. I thought that more before I saw him sneering at Sunghoon, who knows what for then. "All right, then, I'll go." I reply, not knowing what to say during this long, awkward silence between us. "Aren't you having breakfast?" You make me laugh, Heeseung. I definitely don't want to eat in the same place as Sunghoon, I'm not going to answer, that's why I have to avoid him -- I know very well that if he provoked me, I would give in right away. "Not now." I smile forcibly, before turning away. "Are you doing this because of me?" Sunghoon asks, in that deep, warm, sensual, silly voice of his. I sneer, incredulous, glaring at him evilly. "No, I told you. My stomach clenches seeing such things." "Says the half-naked girl in a house with seven men." "Oh yeah? - I laugh, theatrically, but then I don't know what to say next, and I stand there several seconds staring with narrowed eyes at this idiot. - I didn't think you were so demure." I had to repeat the word several times, because I couldn't remember it in korean. "Demure? Nah, I just like looking at beautiful things. You just take up space." Heeseung surprised turns to his friend, then bursts out laughing. "But she's pretty, why do you say that?" "You're a dumb too." Sighs Sunghoon. Ah, so Heeseung really thinks I'm pretty? No, no, Amanda, don't trust that bewitching, glittering, blinding smirk, inside his eyes actually burning evil. "You demanded your turn, though." I remind him, crossing my arms over my chest. Heeseung covers his mouth as his eyes manifest his amusem*nt. "How tense." Sunghoon thins his beautiful big eyes, I left him dumbfounded for at least five seconds, plus Heeseung's joke. "It's dumb not to receive something he's entitled to. Besides, it seems fun to annoy you, doesn't it?" He asks. "Ah, but then don't come out saying you're in love with me." I snort, confidently approaching the refrigerator to get a small bottle of water. "The scenario you've been dreaming about every night since you arrived, right?" "I guess f*cking would serve you." "Yah!" We shout in chorus, toward Heeseung, who dares to say such nonsense. "You sound like a couple, how disgusting. No seriously, that's enough now." A couple, me and Sunghoon? Ridiculous. Heeseung, this that you see between us is not sexual tension at all, its more a deep and sincere disdain for each other. I am absolutely convinced of that. "I have to clear bath, use the others for now." I announce, starting toward the hallway again. "Seriously, you should eat breakfast first." Reminds me Heeseung. Spontaneously I turn away, but realizing I did it so quickly, I feel ashamed and turn around again. "No, it's okay, I never eat in the morning." "Aish, it hurts you!" He says, like a concerned friend. I smile amusedly, I don't know why but every second I spend in Heeseung's company increases my suspicion of him. He gives me the idea that he's a rather fake person, perhaps because our interactions have not been the happiest. When I was just a fan, I had a completely different idea of him. In contrast, what I thought of Jay and Jake, we can consider sufficiently truthful. Of course, I did not imagine such a terrible personality of Sunghoon either, but that is another matter. "What do you want to do today?" He asks me again, as if we had some kind of date. I pretend to think about it for a few seconds. "Will you help me with the bathroom?" "No way!" He mumbles. Sunghoon smiles, making me a little strange. "What would like to do? Don't you have appointments or..." "Not today." He nods proudly, like a child. "Dubt." Sunghoon says, in terrible english. "I have a lot of games for the Play, do you want to see them?" He offers me all excitedly. I am stunned at such a request, Sunghoon bursts out laughing, even. "Did you think of anything else?" Heeseung asks, observing my all too clear expression. "W-What? No, I mean, yes I want to see them. But then can I play? If not, I don't care." This is the right way to go about things, Amanda, smile at life and it will smile back at you. I don't understand why it didn't work for the past 23 years, and I have no certainty that it will work in the future, but let's think positive - after all, this, a field trip kind of is. "Do you like video games?" He asks me, with a genuinely interested look on his face. I guess it's unfair to play like this when your interlocutor has no idea who you are, while you know much of his interests. However, your honor, I really like games. After I moved to Bologna, kids my age continued to isolate me because of my south origins, it lasted for several years, not having an idyllic family situation I hid in the ludic competition. I had discovered some online games, such as League of Legends, and spent most of my money to buy whatever game piqued my curiosity, without considering those spent on skins... I don't regret anything. My parents were well-off, and in that respect I can't complain, plus it was better for them that I just stayed in my room and played rather than bother them. "Quite." I nod. Sunghoon snorts wryly. "What, did you search on Internet to prepare for this question?" "What games do you like?" Asks Heeseung, ignoring him. "I'm master." Heeseung's eyes literally sparkle as I say this, and it's adorable. "Really! And how do you play now?" "I don't play." I reply with some obviousness. "What?" "I didn't bring my laptop, I didn't think I'd have time to use it - I explain, although in fact I was simply so flustered that I didn't think about it on the moment - do you want to see how a pro plays?" "He met Faker." Sunghoon reminds me, getting up from the table. "But Faker is a god, she is a normal person obviously disturbed to have made it to that level." I feel like laughing, but I do it by covering my mouth: he's right, the guy is a god. "Actually LoL is disturbed." "I am emerald! I can't get by cause I'm always busy!" He whines, please, you just stop being so cute. "Maybe you're just noob." "How can I be noob? I'm so strong, but you know, I'm a full-time idol..." "Still noob." I confirm. He opens his lips in surprise. "Yah! How dare you!" "I'm off, see you later." I sigh, before drinking from my water bottle. Heeseung calls me again before I can leave. "Do you want to go back to the apartment? Let's get your things." I choke. The water goes down my throat and I cough so hard that some drops splash toward Sunghoon, why is he always in the way? He glares at me, moving away to avoid being hit by my saliva again. "You idiots will get along - he says irritably, before approaching the hallway - you're alike." "He's just saying that because you're pisses he off, sometimes he plays too." Heeseung explains. I smile wearily. "I get it, I'll go clean up." "You didn't answer." Reminds me the oldest of the boys. I glance sidelong at Sunghoon, he's charging his cell phone on the kitchen counter from the outlet where the coffee machine is plugged, he hasn't left yet and I feel uncomfortable talking in front of him. "Let's take the computer so we can play sometimes! - He means it, this guy who at first glance would really just look like a fool. - In the meantime, let's do shopping." I'm surprised to hear him say that, judging by the way Sunghoon turns to Heeseung, he must be too. "You can't go to the supermarket." "Yes, I can!" He whines whimsically. "Are you stupid?" "You went there too! I want to go!" "Then go yourself!" He immediately replies. I naturally break their lively exchange with a long sigh. "The ramyeon can buy it by herself." "But I want to choose the tastes!" "Why are you justifying yourself to someone younger than you?" I ask, curious, turning to Heeseung. He seems stricken in pride, but he does not give me the pleasure of confirmation because he smiles confidently shortly after. I cannot look directly at him when he does, so I am forced to lower my eyes. "I'm not justifying myself, we're talking." "Right, right." I nod, starting down the hallway again. Sunghoon stands in front of me, preventing me from proceeding. "If you faint you'll say it's my fault, so eat." On the contrary, I just can't avoid looking at him, even though there is perhaps more than six inches of difference between us. I feel tiny in front of him, I don't understand, it's like my head is spinning. I can smell him, I can smell that he has been wearing perfume since the morning, and this seems to completely intoxicate me, but positively. I back away clutching my shoulders. "I'm fine." He doesn't answer right away, but then he sighs. "I'm serious." I mumble incredulously, then quickly circumnavigate him. "Thanks, I'll go." I rush into Jay's empty room and sigh worriedly. I said I hated him, and I was convinced I did, but I'm still not completely immune to his charms, I need to catch my breath. I look around, everything is left as it was, I go to take off my shirt and change, I'm wearing plain stuff, but I like to be with my legs exposed and a loose shirt, so after carefully folding Jake's, clearly more emotionally valuable but also monetary, I go outside. I plan to make it quick, but for good. Hygiene is important, given how many times I have used this bathroom before. I wipe away every trace, I disinfect any surface we have come in contact with, I feel like a criminal but only because I am blaming myself. Not because I have indulged myself so much as because I cannot erase from my mind the expression of pure pleasure from Jake's face. It seems to me something so precious that it's impossible for me not to want to appropriate it. Clearly, these are just fantasies, I know, but it is hard not to be drawn into such a situation. The house has all kinds of appliances, so after maniacally using the Dyson on the floor, I use the microfiber cloth to wash it. Eventually I am left with only the already clean towels to place under the sink, so I sit on the floor. Who knows how long it took me, I don't think more than 30 minutes but I could be wrong. I hear some footsteps coming from the hallway, they are slippers being dragged almost boredly, I don't recognize the walk but I'm pretty sure it's not Sunghoon's. "Finished?" He asks, watching me from above, a Heeseung who can only be simply watched, silently even. Amazed at such a vision about him, with his pink hair, wearing an oversized black t-shirt with white lettering, and black jeans that bandage his long, strangely full thighs, I can't help but stare at him. He's even wearing glasses, but how dare he? After several seconds, realizing I cannot stay and stare at him, I cough clearing my throat. "Do you really want to go to the supermarket with me? But why?" "Jay said you don't have a car and the credit card is not ready yet, so I should call a driver. Since this is my shift, and I don't have anything interesting to do, let's go together." I don't know, I don't even smile, I simply nod but don't understand my own reaction. I'm sad about what, exactly? "Then, I'll change." I say, closing the doors and taking one last quick look around, everything seems fine. "In Jay's room?" "You ask because you don't know?" He doesn't answer right away, smiling goofily as usual. "Then, I'll wait for you." I change quickly, lucky I took two showers last night, so no need to wash. I put on a red pleated skirt and a short, low-cut top, I'm really hot, wear a chocker to look a little alternative, and then partially tie up my hair, uncovering my face better. When I come out, Heeseung is standing in front of the entrance with his cell phone. He lets me be the first one to pass and I find it gallant, although come to think of it Sunghoon did too and I found it rude. "You really don't have anything to do?" "Nothing interesting." He replies, waiting for the elevator to arrive. "And I'm interesting?" "Definitely singular. - He says it quickly, smiling amusedly and serenely. - I didn't think there was such a thing." "I guess it's because Niki is now of age." It comes out spontaneously, but then I turn in surprise to him, who strangely has no reaction. He lets me go in first, again, I can't help but stare at him the whole time, so much, he doesn't give me a glance and I feel safe, in his shadow. We get to the parking lot, surprise, he even opens the door for me and I find myself catapulted into another dimension, please stop, Heeseung. This must be his "rizz." "What music do you like?" He asks me, after he starts the engine. "Not the one you like." I answer again too spontaneously. He turns to me for a few seconds, completely offended. "Excuse me?" "I read that you like The Weeknd, I can't stand it. It's a drag." "Excuse me?!" He asks, even more upset. At this point I can't help bursting out laughing, it's exactly how I expected he would react. My stomach hurts, I can't take it. You obviously have f*cking taste." He replies after not taking it at all personally, no… "That's why I like you so much." I nod, wiping away my tears. I don't know why, but I see him look at me and then turn away again, without saying a word, then sigh. "How many songs do you know of him?" "A few, enough to let me know I don't like his genre." Flabbergasted, Heeseung reaches for his cell phone and I become alarmed. "I'll let you hear now, talk later." "Watch the road!" "You put it on, then." He sighs, throwing his cell phone between my legs, since I can't catch it on the fly, I pick it up later, there is the Youtube Music page, despite having an Iphone. I find it quite strange to hold Heeseung's phone in my hands, yet this is certainly not the most absurd thing, as I find myself looking at his perfect profile, he's facing the street. As I said, he's wearing eyeglasses, it is a light, thin frame that moves perfectly with his face, and they enrich it. "Do you understand?" He calls me, after saying the name of the song. I was so focused on him that I didn't even hear him. "E-Eh? I didn't understand the pronunciation." I make it up on the spot, going back to look at the phone screen, which, however, went off! Heeseung repeats the title but also notices that I panicked, so I softly hand him the phone. "Sorry, I made him turn it off. Just put the code." He grins smugly. "Ten zero four." Wait? Did he just give me the code for his phone? Since he's going to change it right after that, why not just enter it himself? He didn't bother with the road before I said it. Even stranger that the code is the date of my birthday. What an amazing coincidence. "Why did you tell me that?" I ask, genuinely surprised. "Because it's more convenient, no? And on the way back you can put it in the music." All right, I think I understand Heeseung a little better. While he can't avoid hiding what he is in heart, he persists in treating me like a fan, he is attentive and thoughtful, he does trivial things that would nevertheless make any girl fall in love, it's his way of posing, but I have my doubts that he's really like that, inside. The song starts and I turn out the window, I can see Seoul flowing before my eyes, yet my mind keeps looking for Heeseung's profile. Honestly, I am too tense to focus on the song, plus I think my senses, my tastes, are momentarily altered by his presence. I do not feel the usual revulsion for the xanadian artist. Aware that I'm not at all clear-headed, I defer my considerations. "Where are we going? And why are you dressed so well? Have you a mask?" "In what order do you want me to answer?" He asks me. I smile, hiding on the other side. "At your leisure." "First let's go to the best ramen store in Seoul, then we might have lunch somewhere, then we'll go to your place and get the laptop." "You have a pretty clear idea." "The perfect date, right?" I laugh, how could I not, "Maybe next life, Heeseung." I hear him chuckle too, and I smile again, as if my heart has suddenly warmed up. "I am dressed so well because I always dress well." "You'll attract attention." "I would do it regardless because I'm tall." "Why are you so sure you won't get paparazzi?" "Because I know where I'm going, certainly not to an ordinary supermarket like Sunghoon. Besides, I'm wearing a mask, you worry too much." "You literally have pink hair." A moment of awkward silence intersperses our lively exchange of banter, then I hear him sigh. "I hide them under my hat." "And how do you hide your ears? They're pretty iconic." He looks at me shocked again. "Would you stop?" "What did I say? I think they're pretty. - I admit, without thinking much about what I'm saying. - If it were me seeing them, though, I would recognize you right away." We enter a private parking lot before he answers me, after several seconds I realize that maybe he is ignoring me and maybe he has changed his mind about today's program. It's okay after all, even if he gets upset, I care about the band - being a fan. Seeing Heeseung with a girl around Seoul could be a blow to the fanbase. "Do you find them pretty?" He asks me when is finished parking, unbuckling his seat belt. I, confused, do the same. "Yeah, sure." "Do you want to touch them?" Gasp, jerking back on myself and backing toward the door with my shoulders, not sure why I reacted so animatedly. "W-What?" He lowers his head in my direction, closing eyes. "If they're cute, touch them." I admit it's a bit very awkward this situation, however, my hands reach toward him anyway. I can feel the cartilage between my fingertips as my fingers tremble like after thirty coffees, I like this feeling so I don't realize I'm continuing to do this, it's like petting a puppy. When I next realize he's about to start laughing, I pull away abruptly, upset. "Do you have heartbeat?" Clearly. "N-No." "You do." He gets back up, quickly adjusting his hair. I can't retort, I don't have the guts, so I go to open the door but see him grab my wrist, I paralyze. "W-What?" "Can't you see?" He points with his gaze at some ladies who are passing by the car. I meanwhile have lost about ten years of life. I know, I know, it's strange for me to be surprised after all that's happened, but still it's another person, a person who makes me feel particularly nervous, plus he's not even as nice as the others, so I'm in a strange and precarious situation. "I told you didn't have to come." "Jay's list is long. Could you have brought everything without a car?" "You could have called a driver." "What about the credit card?" "You could have made a wire transfer." "I don't trust you with my credentials, what if you're a hacker?" Through it all, he still hasn't moved his hand, and I so motionless that I can't even turn to face him, I simply look out of the car, where the two well-dressed and groomed middle-aged ladies linger looking at the car through the tinted windows. They are evidently commenting on it because it's expensive - sometimes koreans really can be like those in dramas. I move my arm, he looks surprised. I really feel like I should stay as far away from him as possible. The way he acts scares me, in a way, he seems completely fake. "I told you I had nothing better to do." "You could have stayed with Sunghoon, honestly you could have done ten other things." "Aren't you glad I came for you?" Again, the words hang in the air, though they seem to weigh quintals. I don't know what to say, I don't want to show too much vulnerability, but the vibration of his voice, his touch, his mere presence completely alert me. I am also full pervaded by his scent that has completely filled the car. "I didn't say that, it's just that.. I don't see a single reason why you would make such a choice." I try to explain calmly. He turns his strangely thoughtful gaze toward the ladies in front of the car, then sighs. "I have half idea, but it's just curiosity." But what does that mean? What is he saying? Am I misunderstanding myself? Do you want to see that my korean is not so good, after all? "Curious about what?" "Never mind. - Sigh, looking at them impatiently, the ladies, who have decided to start converse right in front of the car. - Think of it as a gift from me." "Would the gift be your company? - I ask wryly, using this time to observe his magnificent profile again. - I don't think they would recognize you anyway." "I'm famous among milf, too." He nods with conviction. I look up annoyed, I guess that's his real personality. Unlike Jake though, I don't find him cute at all, he creeps me out. In Jaeyun's eyes I saw insecurity, shyness, a certain need for approval, but if I look at Heeseung I see only a disproportionate ego and a lot of desire to slap him (in every sense you want to imagine it). "So what do we do in the meantime?" "We could kiss." "What?!" I feel like screaming, to the point where maybe even the ladies can hear me since they look around surprised. Heeseung curls the corners of his mouth before bursting into an irresistibly sensual laugh. "How can you react so timidly after what you did with the others?" The saliva I was swallowing, perhaps desperately trying to lower my body temperature, goes down my throat and I start coughing on his dashboard, quite close to death. My vision is blurred and my throat has closed up, I want to strangle him right now, but I have to try to survive. "Are you okay?" He asks, but he doesn't really seem to care. I wipe away the tears as the coughing slowly subsides. "What did you expect me to answer?" "Like. 'okay, let's start'." He must be such an asshole after all. "Okay, let's start." I say, laughing nervously as I look out the window at the car parked next to it. Heeseung grabs my face with both hands forcing me to turn around. "Okay, let's do it." What? My face goes up in flames, I feel like I'm not thinking straight anymore. He is staring at my lips with his beautiful bambi eyes, there is nothing innocent about it, it almost looks like a demon is holding me in hell to keep me from moving. The truth is that my body is not moving, but he is not applying any pressure. He has only brought our faces closer so that they are separated by very few inches. When he bursts out laughing, I realize that he has been making fun of me, and I, like a fool, really believed it. When he pulls away, unable to hold back the laughter, I am paralyzed, unable to control my reactions at all. I am disappointed but also embarrassed. I look away, putting myself back in my seat, stiffer. "You must be having a lot of fun." "Indeed I am. By the way - he resumes speaking normally, as if he hadn't just broken my heart - did you like the song?" "No." I say it without even thinking about it. "I wonder if you would have responded like that if I had kissed you." Should I get out of the car and chase these women away? I can't breathe, this car seems to get smaller and claustrophobic every second, Heeseung's constant giggling is getting on my nerves. "I guessed you weren't a good person." I say, still tense. "From what?" "From the way you were snickering with Sunghoon." Heeseung crosses his arms inside the back of his head, really relaxing. "We've been close from a while." "He were close to Jake before, no?" I ask, reverting back to my old fan self for a moment. He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, then back to the ladies in front of him. "How do you know?" "During an interview - I remember that moment perfectly and it seems so strange to me now that I know Sunghoon's real personality, or what he shows anyway. - He said Jake was the member he was closest to." "Amazing how things change, isn't it?" "And why did they change? You seemed close, even though…" "Even though?" I let out a long sigh. "No, nothing." "You grow, you change. Although have my doubts that those two will stay apart forever." He admits, surprisingly in confidence. "Jake is too good to be with someone like him." I say instead, as if I've known them all my life. "As a matter of fact… it's true. Do you have a soft spot for Jake?" "A big soft spot." I answer, satisfied. I have the impression that openly declaring my preference might annoy him, that's why I do it. It's not even that far from reality. "Change of plans - he announces, putting the belt back on and starting the car - let's go to your place for now." "To get the pc?" "Maybe get something else to wear too, I get the impression you only brought sloppy stuff." What insight this guy has. I brought almost only clothes to stay at home or run errands, assuming I wouldn't need to take fancy or sexy stuff, in fact, the opposite. I didn't really think about it while it was the first thing to do! "I don't have any japanese maid dress." I joked, nervous, putting the belt back on. "Do you have any purple underwear?" "What?" "If you don't have a maid outfit, purple underwear is fine too." Is he serious? The confidence with which he pronounces his nonsense really makes me want to throw him off some bridge. "I'll wear Jake's t-shirt,woolen socks, and my ex's boxers that I use to sleep." I reply. "Yah, you don't sleep in my bed in Jake's shirt." "It's definitely cleaner than your whole room." He seems annoyed by my saccharine tone; I couldn't be more pleased. I cross my arms over my chest, smiling smugly. "Where is your apartment?" Actually, being us now in Hongdae, a much more affordable neighborhood of Seoul frequented mainly by students, being there a major korean university, full of cultural centers, bars, clubs, we are quite close. It is precisely in this area that Ester and I have taken up residence. I explain it to him, he understands absolutely nothing about it, so he orders me, literally, to put the street on Mappe. I don't have the strength to fight this war as well, so I simply do it. "You can stop here." I say, when it is still a couple of meters to the entrance of the building. Heeseung slows down and looks upward, then looks around. "There's no park here." "Pull over somewhere, I won't be long." "I'll go up with you." "No." My response is really quick, so quick as to be blatantly alarming. He turns toward me curiously, I desperately avoid his gaze for fear of betraying myself. "Why not?" "No need, I'll make it quick, really." My tone of voice is more docile, almost submissive, it's as if I'm trying to convince him. He smiles. "No, I'm coming too. I want to see your room." Absolutely not. He can't. Searching for a park, I think well it's time to unbuckle my belt and search in a desperate attempt to get out and run in, before he can reach me, so as to erase any trace he doesn't have to end up before his eyes. In my room there is too much information about my tastes, there are too many things an idol should not see from a fan. Therefore, the absolute mission is to escape. It's not so easy, however, because Heeseung stops me from my arm, his long, strong fingers gripping it almost completely, preventing me from going outside. Then he presses the safety catch so that I cannot open the door again. "What are you hiding?" He asks me, now obviously more curious than before. Not only have I failed in my plan, but I've made the situation worse. "There are girl things you shouldn't see." "Why do I get the impression you are lying?" "I'm not lying." "Then I promise I won't be shocked." "I don't trust your promises." "It should surprise you just to hear them." Seriously, I never assumed that he might want to come up to my house, that's why I was so calm with the idea of coming back for things, moreover accompanied by Heeseung who has the car. Seen from the outside, it looks like a win-win situation. He puts on his mask, puts on his hat, after parking. We enter the building, immediately take the elevator, and all I do is think. Thinking of a way: a way to solve. I could hit him on the head and hope he loses consciousness, or accidentally lock him in the bathroom, but how do I convince him not to go into my room right away? Effectively, he doesn't know which is mine and which is Ester's. By the way, Ester! I don't even know if she's at home, if she's with company, I'm literally bringing a guy, a famous one, into the house, without warning her. I pick up my cell phone, call her, she answers quickly. "Amanda! Did something happen?" She asks me, in Italian. "Listen…are you home?" "Huh? Yes, why?" "I'm on my way up now…I have company…" Ester says nothing for several seconds, as if she were organizing the little information I gave her. "WITH WHO?!" She suddenly shouts, I am forced to pull the phone away. "Your friend is a quiet one, isn't she?" Heeseung asks me, hearing her scream. You wouldn't know it but…. "Yes, she is." Surely she's not the type to go around saying she's met Enhypen or going to rat me out about my situation, however, I can't be completely sure, given how many times I've trusted the wrong people. "He's actually at home - I suddenly say to the singer - just can't let you in." "So what? She's not happy to see me?" He's right, she would be very happy. "Amandaaa? - She calls me, from the phone, in a sweet, fake little voice. - Who is heee?" "Listen, I need your help - I say, turning to her and away from Heeseung, who can't understand anyway since we are speaking in italian - I have to go to the room, alone, you must absolutely neutralize…. Heeseung." Still silence, still long seconds of total absence of noise, then she bursts into a thunderous scream that can be heard even outside the apartment door, since we have reached the fourth floor by now. "Are you kidding? I'm getting naked!" I look annoyed at Heeseung, who understood perfectly that my friend was screaming for him, seeing how he snickers, then snort. "Do whatever you want while I go to the room. Anyway open up, I'm here." Ester opens immediately, standing still in front of both of us for at least twenty seconds. She continues to stare open-mouthed at Heeseung, even though he is completely covered. "Let us in…" I whisper, embarrassed. Ester shifts like a robot, her soul has left her body. "P…P…Please…." After entering, and looking around a bit, Heeseung removes the mask and I see Ester's eyes light up as if with divine light. I think she's about to cry and I can't blame her, after all she has no idea what it's actually like, but that wouldn't be like her, she's probably holding back her worst scream. "P-Please I am E-Ester!" She says, taking a long bow as her voice escapes robotic. Heeseung arranges his hair behind her forehead and then leans toward her, helping her up by holding her from the shoulders. "It's okay, there's no need to be so formal." "Oh, my, god." My roommate tries to breathe. I smile nervously, commenting in italian. "Did you see how bello (handsome) he's up close? Sickening." "Bello?" Heeseung asks, catching this word, from the speech. Ester looks at me, I look at her, let the plan begin. "Oh god! I'm such a big fan of yours, I never thought I could…. - she doesn't even make an effort to cry, but I know very well she's faking it, she's too adrenaline to start crying in such a situation, it's more natural for her to scream. - Oh my god, I can't believe it." Heeseung smiles at her. "It's okay, it's okay. - He says, stroking her hair. - Do you want to take a picture?" His voice is different he is kind, appearing dispassionate and sincere. It really gives me goosebumps, however, there is no better time than now to peel away, and so I do. I back away slowly, wait several seconds, until I reach the door to my room, enter in a millisecond ready to close the door behind me. Oh no, again, again Heeseung's stupid shoe blocking the door. "Do I look stupid to you?" He asks me, trying to peek inside. I move frantically to prevent him from seeing even a glimmer of my room. "Go to your fan!" "But you're my fan, aren't you?" Oh no, Ester, what have you…done? I see her peeking out behind Heeseung's back as he makes the gesture of prayer and forgiveness, what could she possibly have said to him in the half minute I used to reach my room? I stare at him for long time, silent, not knowing what to say and so dazed that I no longer concentrate on forcing in the door, in fact he takes advantage of my stun to open it. Oh no, oh no… OH NO. He walks in like he's in some fantastic place, looks at the posters I've stuck all over the walls, and can't help smiling with great confidence. "That's why you didn't want to…" "It…was before I met you." Basically, I have posters of all the members, it is true, however I have a few more of someone in particular, and they tend to be almost all on the headboard of the bed. In the center of the composition is a giant Heeseung, surrounded largely by Jay and Jake, in contrast the other members are on all the other walls. "Do all these posters of Jay really exist? Are they original?" He asks me, curious. I face down. It was my fault, I know, I should have calculated it. "They are not all original, but they do exist." I answer under my breath, deeply and genuinely annoyed. "Do you buy unofficial stuff? You don't, look…. but then mostly you choose Jay's stuff?" I look at him, surprised. Is this really the first thing he asks me? Did Ester really say something strange? Why was she apologizing? "I don't see the problem." I mutter. "And why do you have so few posters of me on this wall?" "There's a giant one." What the f*ck are you saying Amanda? Are you going against yourself? Heeseung bursts out laughing, I pale. "Your friend's bias is Jake and Jay, yours…is me?" "No, I told you I don't have it." "Ester said otherwise." HOW COULD SHE THINK OF SAYING SUCH A THING? Okay, let's calm down, after all, it's nothing serious…. "It's things said like that, I also said I would like to marry Sunghoon and Sunoo." "You don't have literal, giant posters of them, though." He says, reminding me of my own self-goal. "Okay, you've seen my room, now get out, you'll make Ester happy-" I don't have time to finish the sentence that the roommate opens my room door motioning me to reach her for a second. No, I can't leave Heeseung alone in my room, yet…. ah, whatever, the damage is done. "What the f*ck do you tell him it's my bias?" "I did it for you, maybe he falls in love! You move and invite me to the wedding!" "You betrayed me…" I say with an edge to my voice, as my eyes drain of their humanity. "It's less absurd than what's going on - says she, who can't stop laughing - please, it's beautiful." "He also has a gigantic ego." "Anyone in his position would have that." "That's not an excuse." "Listen, I have to go to work - she explains, in fact, now that I notice, she is ready dressed - next time you have to bring Jay, or Jake, please! No but what am I saying, bring them all!" "I'll try." I sigh. Ester gives me a kiss on the forehead, then goes to my room: Heeseung, as I suspected, is looking at my albums, in the cabinet where they are displayed there are other things, like laminated photocards neatly placed in small frames, gadgets, there is even their lightstick. Do I look like some kind of saesaeng probably? Or I'm too old for this? "See you soon Lee Heeseung." Ester says, bowing again. The boy, however, approaches when she is up, he pulls her into a warm embrace that I witness in disbelief. "Call me Heeseung, we are friends now." Ester is deceased, blatantly, not moving, not breathing, not seeing probably. Even Heeseung worries, seeing her paralyzed, I hit her on the back, not too hard but enough to bring her to senses. "I'm leaving, yes. See you soon, He-Heeseung." She says, quickly, running out. We remain alone, the awkwardness turn again. I know he's about to drop a few more bomb that I won't be able to handle, so I start to gather some stuff inside a backpack. I avoid his gaze but also dialogue; I don't know when and how this awkwardness will end, but I see it coming. "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because I don't." "You keep denying it? - He laughs with relish, the bastard. - You definitely would have gotten a few more points if you had told me." "I don't want your points." "Apparently not." I feel like shouting so loudly that I break his eardrums, ripping that smile off his face. I didn't think that the most irresistible thing in the world, to me, would also become the most irritating and unbearable thing. Even more than Sunghoon's entire person…. or not? "Ah, I get it! - He exclaims, suddenly looking at me. - You didn't tell me so you could f*ck them all." "I can do that even if you're my bias - I reply quickly and recklessly, proudly - even if you're not!" "You admitted it! Now I'm telling everyone!" He says this by pulling out his cell phone, I don't know why but this upsets me. Does he really want to text everyone to tell them it's my bias? It's childish, absolutely ridiculous. I have to stop him. I snap up, try to take the phone from his hands but he only has to lift his arm to stop me. I'm not that short, but I can't even get close to his hand. I try anyway, or rather, I try to make him bend his arm to take the phone, but what happens is simply that my breasts, covered by the top, slam against his broad chest. Through it all, he seems to stare smugly at my expression. This is not good, Amanda. I freeze, turning back defeated; this contact has destabilized me. "Why don't you want them to know?" "Because…" I seem to answer in a rush, but the truth is I don't know how to continue the sentence. Or rather, there is a reason why I don't want to, and his name is Jake. I absolutely do not want, for any reason in the world, for him to know such a thing. But I also don't want to admit it. On second thought, I could always deny it…. Breaking these vaguely positive thoughts is the figure of Heeseung photographing the wall of my bed. "Yah! Are you a child?!" I call back to him visibly angry. "Come on, why can't I?" "I don't want Jake to know." I'm honest, I couldn't help it. He is surprised, but maybe not surprised enough, so he goes back to photographing the wall. "I came good here, didn't I?" "I got it for this." "Jake came good in this photoshoot too, you should have taken his if you care so much what he thinks." "You're a bully, I didn't expect that." I sigh, going back to sorting out my stuff. Again, he probably don't care, and maybe they all do. What the fans think, remains only fantasies, the people we imagine behind the cameras are actually quite scary, as humans. "I'm not a bully." He seems to continue my sigh, his voice is different again. "It sounds like you are to me." "It's not like I really did." He mumbles offended. "Will you?" "It bothers me that you want to know." What kind of reasoning is that? Of course I want to know, the real dilemma is why should he be bothered by it? And why does he want to do it? Is it really worth it? "Telling others would put me at a disadvantage, while for you it would just be a flex." Heeseung looks at me, feeling his eyes on me. "Does your friend know that you slept with both of her biases?" I roll my eyes in irritation. "Not both, but I'll tell her." "Doesn't it bother her?" "She knew why I was hired, there's nothing weird about it, and she's not so childish as to hold a grudge against me over something like that." At my statement, the pink-haired boy remains staring at me. "I thought it was even worse between girls." "In the past, Ester, she also dated an ex of mine because she liked him aesthetically. Don't categorize us as if we were ordinary friends." "And it didn't bother you?" "Why should it? We weren't together anymore, plus we're very open-minded." Heeseung strolls around the room, continuing to observe. "I wouldn't be able to." "Because you consider people objects." Perhaps I am too abrupt in saying this, but I am also too tired, too vulnerable, to try to protect myself. "Don't girls like it? Feeling owned by their boyfriends." "Only the most naive ones." I explain, getting up and grabbing my backpack. "Are you done?" "I have to get the PC from over there." He follows me in silence, I pick up the charger, the headphones, the laptop. "Do you have any ramen?" "What?" "Some ramen." "I guess so, why?" Heeseung stretches, looking satisfied. "Let's eat here." "No way." I deny. "But why!" He whines like a wayward child, stamping his feet. "These are Ester's things, i don-" "You pass boyfriends but you're afraid she'll get upset over a little ramen?" Checkmate, Amanda, I guess. "Isn't your house nicer? Why do you want to stay here? The air conditioning doesn't even work." "No problem - he exults, taking off his shirt suddenly - all fixed!" I try to shut my mouth relatively quickly, then turn around. "You're like a mental ill, aren't you?" "What kind of ramen flavors do you have?" Right, he's obsessed with ramen, I can't tell how many times he's mentioned it in less than half a day. Okay, fine, but he remains shirtless. Help? "I just don't get it - I sigh, setting my bag on the floor and turning toward the doors to see what the house offers - what's so interesting about being here?" "When you live here, you are a normal person. I want to see what you're like when you're normal." My God, how? How can I not turn around to stay staring at him after hearing something like that? Shirtless, I still remember it, by the way. His expression seems sincere, for the first time, perhaps because he is not looking at my face and seems uncomfortable with his own statement. "I found out you're in love with me, that's something I wouldn't have found out if I hadn't come to your house." I laugh robotically, annoyed again. "In love with you? I find you slightly cuter at best." "That's 50 percent of falling in love." "Actually, if we're talking about beauty, I think Niki is the most handsome. - I start talking, as I search the counters for any kind of ramen to bring for him to choose from, I don't understand why Ester has them scattered all over the equipped wall. - Then there's definitely Jake, then Jay." "You don't have a giant poster of them though, that means you liked more than just my looks." Again, Amanda? Really, whose side are you on? You should just avoid the speech. "The voice, I really like your voice. - I say offhand, although I'm not lying, I really love his voice. - You're talented and you've even taken care of some of my favorite songs, so…" I make an effort to get to the bottom of the door, to the top shelf, I know for a fact that there are more packages there. Something hard, long and thin, rests on my back. Yah! What are you thinking about? I'm talking about his abs. His abs?! I don't understand what is going on, he is practically crushing me with his body against the kitchen counter. I realize only after a few seconds that he has picked up the packages for me, him reaching there without difficulty. Still, since he has picked them up, why doesn't he move? I turned away convinced that he would take them off, but eventually I find myself two inches from his face again, and it's not that I don't want to, but I just can't look away from him. His eyes turned back to my lips, the perfect curve of his nose, his naturally magentate lips…. "If you tell me what you like about me, I won't tell anyone." He whispers, looking into my eyes this time. Impossible not to swallow, as my throat becomes more and more parched. "R-Really?" "Really." He repeats in an even warmer voice. Why does he have to be so close? Can't I explain it at a proper distance? It's not easy to think when in front of me are his shoulders, his collarbones, the muscles of his long neck pulled like violin strings, when in front of me is Lee Heeseung. I boldly lift a finger to his face, touching the tip of his nose. "I like when eat naturally in front of the camera. - He was the one who first erased the distance between us, so why shouldn't I touch him? That's my right. - I like the fact that you take music seriously, I like any way you sing. There's nothing you can't do when you sing." I move my finger along the curve of his nose, he is surprised but does not push me away. "I've always been fascinated by naturally talented, brilliant people, and I saw that you were and you are meant to shine. - I continue, avoiding looking into his eyes but focusing on the various details of his face. - I like whatever you're wearing - I admit, laughing to myself for being so shallow right now, then move my fingertip over his Cupid's bow, moving it slowly over his lips. - I like the shape of your mouth, I like your smile." It doesn't surprise me all that much that he hasn't interrupted me yet; after all, I'm practically singing his praises, anyone would want to hear them. Moving my finger to lift my other hand, I take his glasses, barely slipping them off. "I like you when you don't wear glasses - I put them back on him - but I also love it when you wear them." Even so, though, I start to become uneasy because of his silence. The fact that he looks at me so intently makes me think he feels pity for me, or something like that. "I like listening to your voice - I say after all, removing both hands, - when I'm sad, I put on your covers because your voice automatically makes me smile. I realize it's silly, but that's simply how it is." "Are you making this up?" That's the first thing he asks, suddenly staring at me seriously. "Ask any other fan, they'll tell you the same thing." "I'm asking you." My heart beats in an abnormal way, if I'm on the verge of death I'm okay with it, it seems like a worthy ending for a life like mine. How did I get lost in his big dark eyes? How did I get caught between his body and the counter? "If I said yes, would you believe me?" I ask. Heeseung seems about to answer, but then evidently changes his mind. He decides instead to kiss me - yes, you read right. He kisses me, cupping my face in his large hands and kissing me. I am kissing Lee Heeseung. It is a surrender from the very beginning. His lips merge with mine not able to resist him anyway. He grabs me by the hips, lifting me up so that I sit on the counter, then goes back to holding me by the cheeks as he assaults me with his kisses. Not rough, like Jay's, nor sweet like Jake's, Heeseung's kisses are dirty, perverse. He knows how to move his lips slowly as he plays with his off-white teeth, leaving me little bites that sting. His tongue seems to melt in my mouth, I love the way it swirls around mine. "So we have a secret now." He says, after slowly pulling away from me. "Really?" I ask again. Heeseung grabs my cheek again, this time though, he uses his thumb to pull the corner of my mouth, then does the same with his other hand on the other side. "Show me tongue." He's ordering me to, it's obvious. I have no idea where my dignity has gone, but it probably went completely astray after the kiss. I do it, in front of him, but I can't look at him in the process, it's too embarrassing. "You are obedient… with other as well?" I don't answer; I don't have to. He sneers. "Then you really are. Is it because you like f*cking so much?" But what does he do? Does he just start saying things like that like it's nothing? Although I could catch a better glimpse of his character, I didn't make him one for dirty language in bed. "Answer. Do you like it, f*cking?" He asks, leaving the corners of my mouth to grasp my tongue with his index finger and thumb. I look at him, this time, he reciprocates. "I love it." He opens his lips, almost not expecting it, then closes his eyes for a second, smiling contentedly. "Who f*cked you better between the two of them?" Why does everything have to be a competition? I've been with different people who had different approaches, equally valid, I really don't want to answer that question. I bite his fingers, forcing him to remove from my mouth. "Both of them." Heeseung laughs. "You're lying again." He says this by taking the same fingers with which he has been holding my mouth as he licks them. Okay, okay, let's calm down. I said let's calm down. "Why don't you want to tell me? We would have another secret. Don't you want another secret to share with me?" He says this by pushing the two offending fingers back into my mouth, and it is spontaneous for me to let him do it. My saliva is mixing with his and I don't feel the slightest disgust. Although I suppose I would have been more excited if I hadn't realized that the one in front of me is deranged. "I don't think I should trust you." "Then it's true that you are awake." Yes, that's right. Say it louder! "It doesn't matter, I already know what you would have said anyway. - He says, taking me in his arms like a princess, unexpectedly. - I'm sure it's Jay." I swallow, upset. "Jake is good, too." "But it was better with Jay, wasn't it? - He continues quietly, dropping me on the big couch in the living room, while up, from above, he starts unbuttoning his jeans. - You like him because he seems to care about you, besides the fact that you liked him before, right? Since you think he is sincere, you feel more attached to him." I swallow again, he's bothering me again. "You don't know anything at all!" "One thing I know - he smiles, looking at me as he slowly lowers his pants, enough to expose the lump hidden under his black underwear - after today, you will no longer have any doubts about who f*cked you better." If you start out with this premise, dear Heeseung, perhaps you have no idea how good your companions really are. I don't doubt that you may have your own style, but they were just too good. "Aren't you going to undress?" He asks me, surprised. "I'm waiting for you to do it." I answer boldly, but I should stop him instead. Why dont I stop him? It amuses him, but he'd rather be the first to get comfortable. "That's fine with me, too." He grabs me by the hips, forcing my back to him. I rest my palms on the back of the couch as I feel him lift the folds of my skirt and then rest his large palm on a buttock, I have a shiver running through me from the tips of my toes to the last millimeter of my hair. "Wow, it's so round." He comments, kneading it. "S-Stop it!" I stammer, like an idiot, completely embarrassed. I don't understand how I can be so awkward around him, when last night I was practically about to attack Jake. Is the fact that I like both dominating and being dominated, or do I just not have a personality? The last one would explain a lot. Or maybe, it depends on the person in front of me. "Why? Are you not enjoying it? - He asks, leaning his 'presence' in between. - Yet your panties - says, slipping a finger between my skin and the thin fabric of my panties - are soaked, how embarrassing." I can't take it, it's too embarrassing, I'm not used to hearing him talk like this, honestly. My muscles are trembling because of a strange adrenaline coursing through my veins, yet I feel helpless, I feel like I am from the start completely at the mercy of his desires, and since he doesn't inspire me any trust, this makes me apprehensive. Slipping a finger in, I gasp. "Come on, don't pretend." He tells me, in an amused tone. I hold back yet another groan, playing his game, but feeling mortified soon after. "What?" "You mean to tell me you moan like that for one finger? Then what are you going to do with two…" He says it, he does. Then he starts moving his hand faster and faster. I can't help plugging my mouth, closing my eyes in fright. He goes fast and makes me gasp, but I don't want to do it, I don't want him to make fun of me, I don't understand what's happening to me. I cling to the couch as his beat has begun to go too fast for me to contain my breathing. I feel my fingernails scratching the faux leather of the sofa as my back arches more and more, facilitating his movement. "Go…go…slower!" I try to say, between groans. Laughing, behind my back, he laughs again. "Are you pretending to be shy? Then you'll make me angry…" How does his voice, with such sweet notes, sound so warm at this moment? I want to make him angrier, I admit, but if I asked him to slow down it's because I really need to get used to this speed, to the thickness of his five fingers, which 'definitely' aren't but seem to be. "Slower!" I say, before letting out a yelp that I stifle with both hands as he continues to increase his speed. "Why? It's only three fingers." Really? I turn around with difficulty, although I'm practically bent over in front of him, looking at him to make sure his expression isn't sarcastic as usual. "Do you really think I'm using my whole hand?" He asks, pulling them out; they are all but thumb and little finger, and all three are completely covered with my humors. He shows it to me, and I feelreallystupid. Not because I thought it was the whole hand as much as because now he must surely be thinking that I did it on purpose, that I said it as a pretense, to pretend… better not say what. Why is doing it with him so degrading? And why, despite this, am I already enjoying it so much? Meat is meat, but I'm not sure it's worth it with someone like him. "Did I hurt you?" He then asks me, since I don't answer. I sit in front of him, not sure I want to go on, despite everything. "You'd make fun of me anyway, if I said yes." He is surprised, I see him lift his chin uneasily as he looks away in annoyance. "Answer." "No…" I lie, sighing wearily. "Are you sure? - Don't act worried, Heeseung. - It seemed-" "I'm fine - I nod, not sure why, but I don't feel like seeing him worried, even if it weren't true. - We can continue if you want-" But what does he do? Does he kneel down? Why is his gaze so focused? It's as if my body is being x-rayed, I can't move because of the anesthesia Heeseung seems to have given me. I could never move, as he looks at me like that, so intensely, I have chills. "Even though I hurt you, you couldn't wait to continue, right? - He asks me in a whisper, stroking my abdomen with a finger, while his lips graze my groin and my skirt partially covers his face. - I'll help you heal." "N-No! - I say instinctively, grabbing his head, finally managing to make contact with his hair and getting stuck for a moment. There is not a single reason why I should stop him, so why am I doing this? - Wait." He doesn't give a sh*t, evidently, since his tongue has already found my other lips, the lower ones. Oh my God, there is no way I'm going to repeat something like that ever again in my life. What is happening? It's as if an angel with cotton candy hair is abruptly leading me to heaven. It's so beautiful that I can't think of anything else. First hell, and now heaven. "Oh my God." I say, in italian, sinking my fingers into his hair. Of course, he can't answer, I just feel him pushing between my legs to make me open them further. Why is he so good? Why does he put so much effort into it, if he is not the one enjoying it? I assumed that, in my position, I was the one who had to put they in the effort, and that's all. "Lee Heeseung!" I seem to call out to him, he raises his head curiously and alarmed, finding me with a distraught, distressed expression. "Ah…do you want to get right to it?" He asks, as his lips move in contact with my skin. No need to answer, I push him back against me, panting more confidently as he hastily leads me down the path of pleasure. "Mamma mia…" I say, nonchalant. "AH!" Shouts Ester, who I can see is standing exactly in front of us. "AAAH!" I shout back, surprised. "AH!" Heeseung also joins us, who foolishly grabs onto my skirt to cover his face better. I burst out laughing, Ester doesn't dare. "Please pretend that-" "Omo, did my career just end?" He mutters between my thighs. "No!" Rushes at us confused Ester, who then backs away. I push Heeseung away, but he doesn't foul this time either, making himself look very prepared. "Mia carra (my dear) - improvises a terrible italian. - Nothing happened." He attempts denial. Ester keeps shaking her hands in front of chest to reassure him but the idiot panics. "I won't say anything, really, but is it my turn next?" The red-haired girl asks with natural spontaneity. My jaw drops instantly, he smiles, what are you smiling at, you jerk? "Anytime." I let them flirt through as I adjust my clothes, what a situation. "Rest assured, I'm not telling anyone seriously." She reassures him. Heeseung looks at her for a few seconds in silence, he's thinking about something, then gives a big smile and goes back to pretending. "Thank you so much! Mia carrrra!" "I just came back for the phone - she explains, visibly nervous and undecided about what where or when to look, often to all these things the answer is Heeseung's chest. - Please stop speaking italian, it's horrible." "Yah! Are all foreign fans like you? I was making an effort." "First - Ester says, taking her phone from the kitchen counter - call me noona, second…is that what you were talking about?" She asks me. The giggle that escapes my lips sounds damn fake. "What? What are you talking about?" "Don't tell lies, you can't - she advises, waving as she sets off - have fun. See you soon." "I like her." He nods, saying it as soon as Ester has closed the door. "I know, I'd like to be with her if I were a man." "You could have any woman and you would choose your best friend?" "What's that got to do with it? Are you stupid?" We continue bickering for a few handfuls of seconds before his phone rings, interrupting the mood. I guess that's how it ends, but I can't say it went badly. "What are you doing?" He asks, seeing me get up. I look at him surprised. "Huh?" "Are you done, by any chance? - He looks resentful. - Is everything okay since you're done?" I cover my mouth as a soft laugh escapes naturally. "I'm sorry… do I look like I'm done?" "Ah, aren't you finished?!" He continues, further outraged. I pause to observe him for a few seconds, I don't know why but I get the impression that this reaction is genuine, and it's strange, because it's the first time I've sensed it really. He notices that I'm staring at him, but he doesn't say anything, on the contrary he shifts his gaze suddenly embarrassed. "We should go home." I advise, as he re-buttons his tight jeans with obvious difficulty. "It's okay, I don't care." "Don't be like that, I'm pretty tired. Too many emotions today." I further explain, picking up two packets of my favorite ramen noodles to put on the stove. "Shall we eat here?" He asks me though. "Do you find it comfortable? We can do that." Why am I acting like this? Why am I humoring him? Why do I seem to feel a protective desire toward him? I also feel that behind his goliardia is just a little boy, perhaps one too gifted to know how to handle. Despite this, I also get the impression that he might stab me at any time, in whatever sense you want to interpret it, once again. "Which… - I see him approaching restlessly. - Which one are you cooking?" "A rather spicy one, that should do." I say, without looking at him, too busy at the stove. He sits on the stool at the kitchen island, leaning on his palms. "You know a lot about me, don't you?" "I know a lot about all of you." "But I bet you know more about me." "You're wrong - I reply, turning away - I'm not that kind of fan." "Why do you keep rejecting me? Yet I'm so nice to you. - He sighs and pouts. - Why are you mad at me, by any chance?" "Because…" You don't look real, get it? I put some condiments on the table, fortunately Ester has become perfectly accustomed to korean cuisine, so I don't have any big problems. Having plated the ramen, Heeseung looks like a child looking around with natural curiosity, or like a wild animal observing its environment with natural fear: a deer, indeed. "Aren't you going to answer?" He asks, although his gaze is completely focused on the bowl where I have collected all the ramen, which I place in the center of the surface, amidst the condiments. "Why should I?" I feign mystery as I sit across from him. "Thank you for the food!" He gives thanks, picking up his chopsticks and looking at the dishes in front of him with that splendid smile, despite the fact that they are objectively nothing much. "Make yourself at home." "I will." The meal begins quietly, Heeseung is too focused on the food, me on him, who is awkward and spontaneous as he stuffs his mouth, who smiles sincerely when he has finished scooping a mouthful of ramen into his wide, lovely mouth. "I like this brand, but I've eaten it a few times." "How come?" "This is a poor's brand." Completely surprised by his statement, I stand still for a moment. "Oh yeah? I thought you liked the mini-market stuff." I explain, justifying my reaction. Heeseung remains staring at me in silence, for the umpteenth time, I blatantly uncomfortable cough. "No, I like expensive brands." "I should have guessed." "When you try those kinds of products - he says, putting a pile of enoki mushrooms in my bowl - it's hard to go back to liking that stuff. - It makes sense, I realize, but I'm still confused that he would give me such thoughtfulness. - What are you thinking about? I don't like enoki mushrooms." "Ah - I exclaim now with clearer ideas, picking up some of them - that's fine. I like them." Lunch continues in a strange silence for a few seconds, then I see him pick up the bowl with both hands, to drink the broth. This spontaneously makes me smile, because it is very honest behavior, though not exactly approved by occidental etiquette. "Glad the meal was to your liking, Lee Heeseung." "Don't be so formal." He feigns shyness. I smile again, unable to stop. "Do you want to eat this too?" "No, if I get fat you will buy Jay's giant poster. I'm doing you a favor - he laughs, satisfied, then looks at my plate - but why aren't you eating anything? Don't tell me it's really because of me? Sunghoon's?" "No - I wipe away all his doubts with my hand, relaxed - it's just that I haven't gotten used to all this yet. My stomach is completely shut down." "Even the first night, you decided what to order but ate almost nothing, instead you just drank. Are you an alcoholic? I imagine less attractive alcoholics." I really like this atmosphere, it feels so spontaneous. Heeseung has a sweet voice, it's nice to hear him talk, I imagine I could do it for hours and it's amazing to be in front of him while he simply exists. The feelings since we left home have changed so many times that I feel a tornado of emotions inside me. "Could I be?" I ask, feigning thoughtfulness. "Really you should-" Getting up before I can finish the sentence, he freezes, in turn. "Shall we go? We're in the middle of the date now." In the end, Heeseung is very different from how he introduced himself, almost giving me the impression that he is calmer than he wants to appear. His company is pleasant, and strangely he is not so annoying, yet he still doesn't convince me. But why? "What if we order takeout and simply go home?" He asks me, after evidently thinking about it for a long time. "Why?" He looks at me, not answering. "No, I told you I'm retiring. I'm tired." Wait, Amanda, are you rejecting Lee Heeseung? And when did we agree to that? What exactly is going on? "What?" He asks, but I wonder too. "I don't… I don't feel like it, but we can play, though. I'm taking the laptop for that." He looks at me again, then sketches a confused half-smile. "Ok, let's do it." Oh no, I get it! Your tactic is much more devious,Amanda. NEXT CHATPER: TRAILER:WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.
GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers
SUMMARY: You moved to Seoul to start over after a bad experience, and everything seems to be going well, you even manage to work for HYBE. You discover, however, that you owe them almost a billion won, money you don't have and don't know how to recover: but don't worry because Hybe itself offers you a solution.
Your body in exchange for paying off your debt.
Do you accept?
